31 quotes
The End of Fun for Charlie
Charlie
I suppose that's it. We ain't gonna have no fun no more.
A Challenge to Perform an Illusion
Mr. Browne
Bookman, before your very eyes, I shall cause this bed and all the occupants on it to disappear!
Bookman
Disappear? I should like to see a cheap-jack, tenth-rate entertainer do a trick like that.
Frustration with Poor Quality Work
Miss Price
Oh, bother. I do hate shoddy work.
[after turning King Leonidas into a rabbit]
A Lesson in Cleanliness Before Lunch
Miss Price
The lunch is at six. You will wash, thoroughly—
Charlie
Wash?!
Miss Price
You will wash yourself thoroughly, otherwise do without lunch, is that clear?
Charlie
A house of horror, that's what we've come to.
Royal Star Crisis in the Kingdom
King Leonidas
Stop jibbering. What's the matter with you?
[''growls''; ''hits Secretary Bird on the head'']
Secretary Bird
Your Royal Star! They've stolen your royal star.
[''blubbing'']
King Leonidas
Don't be ridiculous. What do you think this is? WHYYYYYYYY DIDDDDDN'T YOUUUUUUUUUUUU SAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!!
[''laughs''; ''dangles a whistle in front of Secretary Bird, who blows on it, and when he sees the whistle, King Leonidas realizes and roars so loudly, that blows Secretary Bird's clothes off'']
Identifying the Essence of London
Paul
Is this London?
Carrie
Course it is. Can't you smell that lovely sooty air?
Discussion on Poisoned Dragon's Liver
Charlie
Poisoned dragon's liver?!
Miss Price
Poisoned dragon's liver.
Paul
Do you poison the dragon or just the liver?
Miss Price
It comes prepared. It's part of the school equipment.
Discussion of Miss Price and Motor Fuel
Captain Greer
Who is that?
General Teagler
Miss Price—splendid woman. Her late father served with me at ].
[[w:Battle of Vimy Ridge|Vimy Ridge]
Captain Greer
What's she burning in this thing?—It smells a bit like ].
[[w:Sulphur|sulphur]
General Teagler
Nonsense! One can't make a motor fuel out of sulphur!
Witchcraft and Gender Roles Explained
Miss Price
Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise.
[reading from Professor Browne's letter]
Surprising Knowledge of a Spell
Mr. Browne
You didn't think I knew that spell?
Misunderstandings Over a Nightgown
Miss Price
That's my nightgown!
Mr. Browne
Is it really, my dear?
Miss Price
Yes, and I'm not responsible for its behavior.
Mr. Browne
Obviously not, my dear.
A Mischievous Proposal for the Colonel
Colonel Heller
No, fraulein, this is not the invasion, just a little exercise, a minor raid to induce panic and to spread a little mischief. When you English get it through your head that the German forces can land at will whenever and wherever we please, perhaps you will consider a reasonable peace.
Charlie
Not bloody likely!
Paul
Go on, Miss Price. Do it to him.
Miss Price
I must say, it's very tempting. Colonel, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit? I said, how would you feel about being turned into a nice white rabbit?!
[The colonel and a soldier read a map, ignoring Miss Price]
Colonel Heller
Be quiet, please!
Miss Price
Filigree, apogee, epigee...!
Charlie
Not again.
Carrie
Your memory, Miss Price.
Miss Price
Charles, would you kindly fetch me my notebook from the workroom, please?
Charlie
Right-o.
Colonel Heller
SILENCE!!! Fraulein, we have work to do. I am sorry, but I must send all of you someplace where you will no longer be a nuisance.
[The commotion stops; Gives an order in German and continues working]
Miss Price Reveals Her First Name
Mr. Browne
What's your name?
Miss Price
Miss Price.
[disinterestedly]
Mr. Browne
No, I mean your first name.
Miss Price
Eglantine.
Mr. Browne
Eglantine...Eglantine... Oh, how you shine!
[He pushes the ladder upon which Miss Price is standing along the rail, startling her.]
The Nature of Distrust in Criminal Minds
Mr. Browne
Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.
Perception Versus Reality in Life
Mr. Browne
It is not what things are; it is what they seem to be. Is that not so, Madam?
Mystery of the Missing Spell Pages
Miss Price
Ah, here we are! "Substitutiary locomotion. The ancient art of..." "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..." But the rest of the book is missing!
[reading from the book she has found at last; She reads for a few moments in a whisper.; She pauses incredulously, and turns over the tattered leaves of the book.]
Mr. Browne
Now you see why I closed down the college.
Miss Price
But where are the other pages?
Mr. Browne
Haven't the foggiest.
Miss Price
Listen to me, Mr. Browne!
Mr. Browne
I'm all ears.
Miss Price
You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book?
Mr. Browne
Well, I bought it from a chap in the street market. There was a bit of unpleasantness, as a matter of fact. He claimed that I'd given him a dud coin, I ask you. There was a sort of scuffle, the book tore, he got one half, and I got the other.
Miss Price
But where's the other half now?
Mr. Browne
Oh, it's probably been thrown away, but if it still exists, there's only one place to find it.
Witty Discontent with Magical Transformations
Mr. Browne
Does one's nose have to twitch like this?
[after being transformed into a rabbit a second time]
Miss Price
Oh, you're back, Mr. Browne.
[not looking up from the book]
Mr. Browne
Madam, a word about your tactics - I don't mind so much being turned into a hawk or a tiger, or something with a bit of dash to it, but always a fluffy, white rabbit? It's intolerable!
Ending Repetitive Morning Routines
Charlie
There'll be no more of this wash wash morning and night.
A Casual Conversation About an Injury
Charlie
Hurt your foot, Miss Price?
Miss Price
Oh, just twisted my ankle.
Charlie
Sorry to hear that.
Miss Price
Thank you. It's nothing serious.
Charlie
Lovely weather for flying last night.
Miss Price
Why did you say that, Charles?
Charlie
Game's up, Miss Price. We know what you are.
[bringing out her broken broomstick]
Miss Price
I see.
Charlie
Don't worry, Miss Price. No one's gonna peach on you.
A Commentary on Women's Possessions
Mr. Browne
I'll keep it. Women always lose things.
[Mr. Browne takes the Star of Astoroth.]
Curtains Closed for Candlelit Enjoyment
Charlie
Why d'you keep the curtains closed?
Mr. Browne
So we can enjoy our cheese and wine in the gentle glow of candlelight.
Charlie
I bet it's so the coppers won't catch you hiding out here.
Search for the Lost Spell Words
Bookman
I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. May I? This is quite a moment for both of us. "Substitutiary locomtion, the lost miracle of the ancients..." And so on, and so forth. Ah, here we are! "The spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are...
[He and Miss Price exchange their halves of the book; Starts reading from Miss Price's half]
Miss Price
...engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth.
[reads from the Bookman's half]
Bookman
But where are the words of the spell? I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.
Miss Price
But I thought they'd be in yours.
Bookman
Once again, a dead end. I shall never know the secret.
[devastated]
Mr. Browne
Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.
Miss Price
But why the animals?
Bookman
Towards the end of his life, Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment, killed Astoroth, and stole many of his powers.
Miss Price
Including the star with the spell on it?
Bookman
Possibly. They found a ship, sailed away, and were never heard of again. However, there's a final notation in my half of the book saying that, in the 17th century, a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the sea, half-mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died, he swore he had seen an island ruled by animals.
Miss Price
Where?
Bookman
There is, I regret to say, no such island. I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu does not exist.
Misunderstanding Between Characters in a Scene
Paul
It's Mr. Browne, that who it is!
Miss Price
If you are Mr. Browne, would you kindly get down off my lap?
Questioning the Value of a Piano
Mr. Browne
Oh, Grandpa, you don't expect to sell a piano like that, do you?
[An old man is playing dreary music on a piano which he is selling.]
Miss Price's Struggles with Children
Miss Price
Children and I don't get on.
A Playful Exchange Between Friends
Paul
I liked you better as a rabbit, Charlie
Charlie
Shut up, you!
Unexpected Encounters in a Quiet Home
Charlie
Who else lives here?
Miss Price
I live alone — it suits my purposes.
Carrie
Sorry Miss! The cat scared us!
Miss Price
It’s not exactly! It was you who scared him.
Carrie
What is your cat's name?
Miss Price
I don't like giving cats ridiculous names, I call it a cosmic thrill because that's the name it came with.
Unexpected Encounters in an Abandoned Neighborhood
Miss Price
You must have given us the wrong address! You don't live here, do you?
Mr. Browne
In point of fact I do. Temporarily, at any rate. I found the front door open, the house was deserted! Everyone has left the neighborhood.
Miss Price
Why on earth would someone do a thing like that?
Mr. Browne
I would say this may have something to do with it…
[gestures toward an unexploded bomb]
Miss Price
Merciful heavens! I should be terrified at the very idea of living here.
Mr. Browne
You would have thought so, wouldn't you? I am, by nature, a little bit of a coward—but then I pondered, as I often do: in the perverse nature of things, this diabolical object is probably the best friend I ever had. It has enabled me for the first time in my life to live like a king. Shall we go in?
The King Creates Rules on the Fly
Charlie
Don't they have no rules?
Paul
Of course they do. The king makes them up as they go.
Concern About Leaving the Bed Behind
Charlie
Wait! Wait! We can't leave the bed there!
Questioning Allegiance in Uncertain Times
Elderly Man
Couldn't say, sir—said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.
Captain Greer
I'm not a Nazi, I'm a British officer!
Elderly Man
That's what you say if you was a Nazi, isn't it sir?