20 quotes
Theories on Punishment in Dystopian Society
Historian
Frankly, we didn't know exactly what this was, but we've developed a theory. We feel that when citizens in your society were guilty of a ] against the state, they were forced to watch this.
[[crime]
Miles Monroe
Yes. That's exactly what that was.
Discussion of a muscular rebel chieftain
Miles Monroe
You'd probably feel a lot safer with Mr. White Teeth back there.
Luna Schlosser
Who?
Miles Monroe
The Rebel Chieftain with the wall-to-wall muscles on his chest.
Luna Schlosser
You mean, Erno?
Miles Monroe
Yeah, Erno. It's a great name, if you happen to be the star of a vampire movie.
Luna Schlosser
He's brilliant.
Miles Monroe
Yeah. He couldn't be with us today. He's got to go take his handsome lesson.
Luna Schlosser
Are you jealous?
Miles Monroe
Jealous? Are kidding, honey? With a body like mine, you don't get jealous.
Luna Schlosser
Certainly you don't expect me to tie myself down to one man. My love is a free gift to all the Bolshevik Brothers.
Miles Monroe
Do what you want. You're over 21. Little Tramp!
Luna Schlosser
We're here on business.
Miles Monroe
Free love. I created a Bohemian monster. Next thing you know, she'll wanna have group sex with the ]s.
[[robot]
Luna Schlosser
Will you shut up? You're attracting attention.
Miles Monroe
Give her a couple of ]s to read, and right away, she's Miss Pseudo-Intellectual, Neo-Fascist, Hegelian, Freudian Monster.
[[book]
Humor in Academic and Personal Skills
Luna Schlosser
Men go crazy over for me. I'm great physically. I got a Ph.D. in oral sex.
Miles Monroe
Yeah, they make you take any Spanish with that?
Luna Schlosser
What?
Miles Monroe
Well, I don't know. I was an English major, myself. You know, ], Pope, I minored in foreplay. It's a two credit course at NYU.
[[Chaucer]
The Evolution of Dietary Beliefs
Dr. Melik
This morning for breakfast he requested something called "wheat germ, organic honey and tiger's milk.
Dr. Aragon
Oh, yes. Those are the charmed substances that some years ago were thought to contain life-preserving properties.
[chuckling]
Dr. Melik
You mean there was no deep fat? No steak or cream pies or... hot fudge?
Dr. Aragon
Those were thought to be un]y... precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.
[[health]
Dr. Melik
Incredible.
Desire for Comfort Amidst Discomfort
Luna Schlosser
Please! I wanna go home! I'm getting a headache! I'm hungry! I haven't had a stress pill! I haven't had a bath in seven hours! I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this. I need my orb! I want to relax. Look at me! Look at me. I'm shaking!
Miles Monroe
Gee, you know you'd be great to take on a camping trip.
Love and Hate in a Distant Future
Taglines
A love story about two people who hate each other. 200 years in the future.
Unexpected Consequences of a Simple Hospital Visit
Miles Monroe
I can't believe this. I go into the hospital for a lousy ulcer operation. I lay around in a Birds-Eye wrapper for 200 years, I wake up, suddenly I'm on the Ten-Most-Wanted List....I knew it was too good to be true. I parked right near the hospital.
Existential Reflections on the Universe
Miles Monroe
Do I believe in ]? I'm what you would call a ], existential ]. I believe that there's an ] to the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.
[[God; [teleological; [atheist; [intelligence]
Unexpected Weapon in a Strange Encounter
Miles Monroe
I just beat a man senseless with a large strawberry!
Exploring Discontent in a World of Wonders
Luna Schlosser
I absolutely do not want to hear about it, Herald. This world is so full of wonderful things. What makes people suddenly go berserk and hate everything anyway? I mean, why does there have to be an underground? After all, there's the Orb, and there's the telescreen, and there's the Orgasmatron. What more do they want?
Herald Cohen
It's hard for us to understand the criminal element. We're artists. We respond only - to ].
[[beauty]
Nostalgia and Reflection on the Future
Taglines
Woody Allen takes a nostalgic look at the future.
Reluctance Amidst Danger and Torture
Dr. Melik
And if you're captured, you don't know anything. Why, they could ] you for months. What could you tell them?
[[torture]
Miles Monroe
Only my name, rank, serial number - and your name.
Dr. Orva
Miles, you've got to help us!
Miles Monroe
I’m not the ]ic type, really. I was beaten up by Quakers....I never get involved in anything where I could be tortured.
[[hero]
Critique of a Criminal Assistance Group
Miles Monroe
Oh, he was probably a member of the ]. It was a group that helped criminals get ] so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
[[w:National Rifle Association|National Rifle Association; [guns]
A Time Traveler's Disbelief
Miles Monroe
I can't believe this! My doctor said I'd be up and on my feet in five days. He was off by 199 years!... To me, a ] of science, is going to the hospital for a minor operation, I come out the next day, my rent isn't 2,000 months overdue. That's a miracle of ]. This is what I call a cosmic screwing! And then where am I anyhow? What happened to everybody? Where are all my friends?
[[miracle; [science]
Dr. Orva
You must understand that everyone you knew in the past has been dead nearly two hundred years.
Miles Monroe
But they all ate organic rice.
Dr. Orva
You are now in the year 2173.
Luna's Poetic Success and Greeting Card Sales
Luna Schlosser
I am a renowned poet. I sell 20 to 30 ] a week, plus greeting cards.
[[poems]
Unconventional Approaches to Intimacy and Connection
Luna Schlosser
Do you want to perform sex with me?
Miles Monroe
Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you, if you like.
Luna Schlosser
Okay. I just thought you might want to; they have a ] here.
[[machine]
Miles Monroe
Machine? I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.
Luna Schlosser
It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for 200 years.
Miles Monroe
204, if you count my marriage.
Modern Perspectives on Relationships and Heritage
Luna Schlosser
Sex is different today. You see, we don't have any problems. Everybody's frigid.
Miles Monroe
Oh, that's incredible. So are the men impotent?
Luna Schlosser
Yeah, most of them, except for the ones whose ancestors are Italian.
Miles Monroe
Alright, I knew there was something in that pasta.
Reflections on Time and Therapy
Miles Monroe
I haven't seen my analyst in 200 years. He was a strict ]ian. If I'd been going all this time, I'd probably almost be cured by now.
[[Freud]
Skepticism About Science and Relationships
Luna Schlosser
But Miles, don't you see? Meaningful relationships between men and women don't last. That was proven by science. You see, there's a chemical in our bodies that makes it so that we all get on each other's nerves sooner or later.
Miles Monroe
Hey, that's science. I don't believe in science. I'm, I'm, you know, science is a, an intellectual dead-end. You know, it's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
Luna Schlosser
Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?
Miles Monroe
Right.
Luna Schlosser
So then, what do you believe in?
Miles Monroe
Sex and ] - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.
[[death]