The Devil's Advocate Quotes

Milton You were right about one thing, Kevin: I have been watching. Couldn't help myself. Watching, waiting, holding my breath. But I'm no puppeteer, Kevin. I don't make things happen. Doesn't work like that.

Kevin What did you do to Mary Ann?

Milton Free will, it's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.

John Milton Don't get too cocky, my boy. No matter how good you are, don't ever let them see you coming. That's the gaffe, my friend. You gotta keep yourself small, innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd, the leper, the shit-kicking surfer. Look at me. Underestimated from day one! You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now, would you?

John Milton A woman's shoulders are the front lines of her mystique, and her neck, if she's alive, has all the mystery of a border town. A no-man's land in that battle between the mind and the body.

Alice Let me tell you about New York.

Kevin Let me guess.

Alice Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great! It has become a dwelling place of demons." ]. Wouldn't hurt you to look it over.

Kevin Couldn't forget it if I tried.

Alice Oh, really? And what happened to Babylon?

John Milton Eddie Barzoon, Eddie Barzoon… ha! I nursed him through two divorces, a cocaine rehab, and a pregnant receptionist. God's creature, right? God's special creature. I've warned him, Kevin. I've warned him every step of the way. Watching him bounce around like a fucking game. Like a wind-up toy. Like 250 pounds of self-serving greed on wheels. The next thousand years is right around the corner. Eddie Barzoon… take a good look, because he's the poster child for the next millennium. These people, it's no mystery where they come from.You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire. You build egos the size of cathedrals, fiberoptically connect the world to every eager impulse, grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god. Where can you go from there? As we're scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, even the bees honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity. And it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There's no chance to think, to prepare—it's "buy futures", "sell futures", when there is no future. We got a runaway train, boy. We got a billion Eddie Barzoons all jogging into the future. Every one of them is getting ready to fistfuck God's ex-planet and lick their fingers clean as they reach out toward their pristine cybernetic keyboards to tot up their fucking billable hours. And then it hits home. You gotta pay your own way, Eddie. It's a little late in the game to buy out now. Your belly's too full, your dick is sore, your eyes are bloodshot, and you're screaming for someone to help. But guess what? There's no one there! You're all alone, Eddie. You're God's special little creature. Maybe it's true. Maybe God threw the dice once too often. Maybe He let us all down.

Milton Mary Ann, you could have saved her anytime you liked. All she wanted was love. Hey, you were too busy.

Kevin That's a lie.

Milton Mary Ann in New York? Face it, you started looking to better-deal her the minute you got here.

Kevin That's not true. You don't know what we had. You don't know anything about us!

Milton Hey, I'm on your side!

Kevin You're a liar!

Milton Hey, Kevin? There's nothing out there for you. Don't be such a fucking chump. Stop deluding yourself! I told you to take care of your wife. What did I say? The world would understand. Didn't I say that? What did you do? "You know what scares me, John? I leave the case, she gets better, and then I hate her for it." Remember?

Kevin Who are you?

Milton Who am I? Who are you? Never lost a case. Why? Why do you think? Cause you're so fucking good? Yeah. But why?

Kevin Because you're my father.

Milton I'm a little more than that, Kevin. Awfully hot in that courtroom, wasn't it? "What's the game plan, Kevin?" "It was a nice run, Kev. Had to close out some day. Nobody wins them all.

Kevin What are you?

Milton Oh! I have so many names...

Kevin ].

Milton Call me Dad.

Milton Virtue of the Devil is in his loins.

Kevin What about love?

Milton Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.

Kevin Lomax Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know you've spent all morning listening to Mr. Broygo talk. I know you're hungry. What I need to tell you won't take very long at all. I don't like Alexander Cullen. I don't think he's a nice person. I don't expect you to like him. He's been a terrible husband to all three of his wives. He's been a destructive force in the lives of his stepchildren. He's cheated the city, his partners, his employees. He's paid hundreds of thousands of dollars in penalties and fines over the years. I don't like him. I'm going to tell you some things during the course of this trial that are going to make you like him even less. But this isn't a popularity contest; it's a murder trial.

Milton You cannot keep punishing yourself, Kevin. It's awesome how far you've come! I didn't make it easy. Couldn't. Not for you… or your sister. Well, half-sister, to be exact.

Christabella Surprise.

Milton Some scene, huh, Kevin?

Christabella Don't let him scare you, eh?

Milton Kevin, I've had so many children, I've had so many disappointments, mistake after mistake. And then there's you—the two of you.

Kevin What do you want from me?

Milton I want you to be yourself. You know, I'll tell you, boy: guilt, it's like a bag of fucking bricks. All you gotta do is set it down.

Christabella Hey, I know what you're going through. I've been there. Just come here. Come here, yeah. Let it go, yeah…

Kevin I-I can't do that.

Kevin It's a test, right?

Pam Isn't everything?

Kevin What did you do to Mary Ann?

Milton A gun? In here?

Kevin Goddamn it, what did you do to my wife?!

Milton Well, on a scale of one to ten—ten being the most depraved act of sexual theater known to man, one being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomaxes household—I'd say, not to be immodest, Mary Ann and I got it on at about… seven.

Kevin Fuck you!

Milton Oh! Oh! Whoa! Got me! Got me! Yes! Wow! Oh, yes! Yeah! Step it up, son! Come on, that's good! You got to hold on to that fury. Yeah, that's the last thing to go, that's the final hiding place, it's the final… fig leaf.

Kevin Lomax Men kill animals and eat their flesh. Phillipe Moyez killed a goat. He killed a goat, and he did it at home, in a manner consistent with his religious beliefs. Now, Mr. Merto may find that bizarre. It's certainly not a religious practice performed by everyone. It's not as common as, say, circumcision. It's not as common as the belief that wine transforms into blood. Some people handle poisonous snakes to prove their faith. Some people walk on fire. Phillipe Moyez killed a goat, and he did it while observing his constitutionally protected religious beliefs.

John Milton Vanity—definitely my favorite sin.

Alice Lomax * Quoting ]

Milton Who told you to pull out all the stops on Mr. Gettys? Who made that choice?

Kevin It's entrapment! You set me up!

Milton And Moyez, the direction you took! Popes, swamis, snake handlers, all feeding at the same trough. Whose ideas were those?

Kevin You played me! It was a test! Your test!

Milton And Cullen! Knowing he was guilty, seeing those pictures, what did you do? You put that lying bitch on the stand.

Kevin You brought me in, you put me there! You made her lie!

Milton I don't do that, Kevin! That day, on the subway, what did I say to you? What were my words to you? Maybe it was your time to lose. You didn't think so.

Kevin Lose? I don't lose! I win! I win! I'm a lawyer, that's my job, that's what I do!

Milton I rest my case. Vanity… is definitely my favorite sin. Kevin, it's so basic: self-love, the all-natural opiate. You know, it's not that you didn't care for Mary Ann, Kevin. It's just that you were a little bit more involved with someone else: yourself.

John Milton Diaboli virtus in lumbis est. The virtue of the Devil is in his loins.

Taglines Speak of the devil

Alice Lomax Behold, I send you out as sheep amidst the wolves.

Taglines Devil begins and wins.

John Milton You've got to marshal your strength. Prioritize. Conserve your energy.

Milton Who are you carrying all those bricks for, anyway? God? Is that it? God? Well, I tell you, let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do? I swear, for His own amusement—His own private, cosmic gag reel—He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. "Look, but don't touch." "Touch, but don't taste!" "Taste, don't swallow." And while you're jumping from one foot to the next, what is He doing? He's laughing His sick fucking ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a sadist! He's an absentee landlord. Worship that? Never!

Kevin ], is that it?

Milton Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began! I've nurtured every sensation man has been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted, and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections! I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist. Who, in their right mind, Kevin, could possibly deny the ] was entirely mine? All of it, Kevin! All of it. Mine. I'm peaking, Kevin. It's my time now. It's our time.

Taglines Evil has its winning ways.

Taglines The newest attorney at the world's most powerful law firm has never lost a case. But he's about to lose his soul.

Mary Ann I told Kevin, the only thing worse than having no father was having mine.

Milton I can relate.