How could you not watch “Real Housewives of Newark” with Amy Schumer?

The “Trainwreck” star appears in this very funny faux audition for the Bravo show, explaining why she’d be the perfect cast member.

“I’m real, I’m in a house a lot,” she says. “I am not a wife, but I have had sex with a lot of married people.”

Asked what her tagline would be, she offers, “I’m Amy. I may look like a whore, but I am.” Or this one: “I don’t need a man, but I want one, any one.”

Another selling point, she explains, is that she’s willing to “move anywhere.”

“I could be a Real Housewife of, you know, Newark or of Cincinnati. Just throwing out ideas of cities.”

And you don’t even want to know what her “personal philosophy” is.

“Trainwreck,” costarring Bill Hader and LeBron James, opens Friday.