Things that happened during this week's "Pretty Little Liars" episode: Hanna confessed to Charlotte's murder. Intrigued? Read on, brave souls, because the liars have a plan and that can only mean one thing: death, epic failure, and a chorus of "nopes."

In Which Mona Gets a PhD in Acting Shady

Look, we have no idea what Mona Vanderwall's up to, but apparently the liars think she kinda-sorta-maybe tried to kill Charlotte on the night she died. Their proof? She attempted to meet up with Char at a diner, only she didn't show (due to being murdered). Plus, the liars spot Mona with Sara Harvey's male companion (the one who helps with her ~mysterious hand damage~), which sets off all kinds of alarm bells. What the liars don't realize is that poor Mona's simply trying to do them a solid by telling Sara to peace out. Jeez, guys, give the poor girl a break. Leave Britney Alone!

In Which Ali Gets Pushed Down Some Stairs

So, this is our current theory: Ali's husband is most definitely trying to kill her. Yeah, she technically "trip" and flops her way down a flight of stairs at the hotel she's staying in for their "honeymoon," (more like DEATH-MOON) but what really happened, hmmm?

Either way, the liars think A tried to off Ali due to a creepy card Hanna found in a flower bouquet, but honestly, when have they ever been right about anything? Never, that's when.

In Which Ezra and Aria Continue to Have an Incredibly Inappropriate Relationship

Don't worry everyone, Ezra and Aria are still writing their (LOLOLOL) book, and it turns out Ezra's using it to work through some extremely tragic memories of his old relationship. You know, the one with that girl who mysteriously died in the jungle? Turns out poor Ezra's been feeling guilty because they were in a fight before her disappearance, and to make matters even more complicated, Aria tells Ezra about #NewA. Sigh, Lord knows how many terrible beer-fueled decisions he'll make now.

In Which Hanna Confesses

The liars have a new plan, and as you might expect, it's horrible. Basically, Hanna decides to take the fall for Charlotte's murder in order to draw A out of the woodwork, which sounds like a great idea! Said no one ever. Even worse, Hanna recruits Caleb to help her, which sends Spencer into a jealous wine-drinking tizzy. We predict terrible things to come, but there's one silver lining: Lucas makes an appearance in this episode and gives Hanna a million bucks to start a fashion line. Good times in the burgeoning financial metropolis that is Rosewood!

Remember, "Pretty Little Liars'" mid-season finale airs next Tuesday, so hopefully we'll get some answers. *crosses fingers*