This week's penultimate episode of "Pretty Little Liars" successfully set the stage for next's week's big A-reveal (seriously, A better be Chad Lowe), but it also tied up one huge loose end: Alison DiLaurentis' status as a stone-cold killer! Settle into this recap for everything you need to know before the season finale, and shout out to "Pretty Little Liars" author Sara Shepard, who made an appearance as a newscaster on tonight's episode.
Ezra and Caleb Get Attacked By Arrows, Are Terrible At Basically Everything
Between Ali being on trial for murder and Toby being the worst cop of all time, everything is a huge mess in Rosewood. Poor Ali has almost no chance at a not-guilty verdict, and her fate is pretty much sealed when Mona's childhood friend takes the stand and accuses both Hanna and Mike of hiding evidence. Sure, Hanna's already in jail so the news doesn't really affect her, but poor Mike is desperate to tell the truth –- an idea A isn't exactly on board with. At least that's the impression we got when Mike received a giant cow tongue in the mail....
Aria calls on Ezra Fitz (you know, her ex-stalker?) to get Mike out of town, but Hanna's boyfriend, Caleb Rivers, has other ideas. This tech-nerd breaks into Ezra's creepy cabin to stop Mike from abandoning Ali and Hannah in their time of need, but while he and Ezra engage in a bro-off, Mike peaces out only to get attacked by A. Sigh, teenagers. Naturally, Ezra and Caleb fly into a panic and start wandering around the woods in search of Mike (apparently calling the police didn't occur to them...), and they end up running into an insane archer hell bent on murdering them with arrows. So, what have we learned? A is secretly Katniss Everdeen.
Ali Finds An Alibi, Spencer and Toby Real Talk
Good news, everyone: Ali has an alibi! Well, kind of. Turns out there was a witness when she was hanging in a playground on the day of Mona's murder, and Spencer and Emily waste no time finding her. Unfortunately, this random playground lurker was high at the time (again, teenagers), so her testimony is completely useless. Hugs not drugs, everyone.
In other news, Rosewood's police department has finally realized how bad Toby is at his job, which means he's been relegated to fetching coffee and operating the printer (try not to laugh). Poor Toby is distraught that no one's letting him solve murders, and to make matters worse he finds out that Spencer's been hooking up with a bunch of randoms. Naturally, our beloved Kindergarten Cop flies into an emotional rage about how much he's sacrificed to join the force (hehad to get a buzzcut, sob!), but don't worry, he and Spencer end up mending fences with their mouths. So...guess they're back together?
And The Verdict Is....
Ali and Hanna are determined to solve the completely incoherent riddle they found in Mona's room ("Chandelier's rituals. Sister launched lair. A ruler's list chained"), so they do what anyone would do: inflict devastating injuries upon themselves for some alone time! Except, they fail miserably. Not only do they not solve the riddle, they get into trouble for hurting themselves, and pretty much do nothing helpful. In other words, good times!
Meanwhile in The Middle of Nowhere, Ezra and Caleb find Mike tied to a poll in a playground, and head straight to Detective Tanner, who's completely useless. Like, so useless that we're starting to think she might be A. (Also, according to the sinister music that plays every time Aria's new boyfriend Andrew walks into a room, we're thinking he might be Rosewood's answer to Katniss. After all, he was a boy scout, which means he can shoot an arrow!)
So, does Ali get a guilty verdict? Yep. Thanks to A foiling the defense lawyer's closing argument, she's found guilty with murder in the first degree. And if that isn't bad enough, all Ali's friends (aka the Little Liars!) are arrested by Tanner in the courtroom. What. Is.
Happening? No really, "what is happening?" is just one of the many burning questions we have (see below).
1. Is Andrew working with A? He definitely seems to have morphed into the most evil person ever, but that might be the fault of his musical accompaniment.
2. Tanner is so incompetent that she has to have ulterior motives, right? There's just no way a police officer could be this bad at her job.
3. How long will the liars be in jail, and how will they solve the A mystery behind bars?
4. Viewers find out A's identity next week. Any guesses?
