25 quotes
Unexpected Attraction in a Clean Look
Casey
Ooh, you clean up good. I might even be into you.
Jealousy Over Flowers and Time Spent
Casey
That's great. I spend two days in bed with a guy and you get flowers.
Finding Clarity in the Right Choices
Casey
If it was the right thing to do, you'd feel better right now.
Shopping for Unattractive Wedding Gifts
Jane Nichols
Wanna find the ugliest stuff in the store and register Tess for it?
Unexpected Reactions in a Challenging Moment
Mother
Shit, oh shit!
[screams]
Jane
I never do anything like this.
Kevin
I know.
Jane
You do?
Kevin
Yes, I know. You kept repeating that over and over last night. "I never do this... I never do this... I never do this...
Invitation to a Pre-Party Gathering
Casey
Hey, do you wanna come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from Shipping are coming and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.
Prioritizing Others' Memories Over Your Own
Kevin Doyle
You'd rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!
A Lighthearted Exchange on Professional Titles
Jane
Are you a doctor?
[after passing out]
Kevin
No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.
Finding Comfort in Unexpected Places
Jane's Aunt
It must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
Jane
Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!
The Complexity of Love and Patience
Kevin Doyle
Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind.
Marriage Beliefs Compared to Santa Claus
Jane
How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
Kevin
I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
Jane
Oh, that's so noble of you! Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
Kevin
Ah! So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!
Prioritizing Models Over Work Events
Jane Nichols
You would rather hang out with Italian models than come with me to my awesome work party?
Wedding Dress and Distracted Intentions
Jane
God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding?
Casey
Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is so that some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.
Unexpected Revelations About Love and Sandwiches
Jane Nichols
I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.
Humiliation in Wedding Themes
Kevin
What is that?
Jane
Theme wedding!
[holding the dress in front of herself]
Kevin
What was the theme? Humiliation?
Cynicism and Romance in Relationships
Jane
You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me?
Kevin
I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.
Sibling Betrayal and Heartbreak
Tess
You won't share that information with him about me. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And you would never hurt me. I'm your sister.
Jane
That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.
Emotional Response to the Keller Wedding
Kevin Doyle
I cried like a baby at the Keller wedding.
Selflessness and Personal Needs in Relationships
Kevin
Don't you have any needs?
Jane
No. I'm Jesus.
Weddings: A Perspective on Happiness and Sacrifice
Jane
There's gotta be one thing about weddings that you like.
Kevin
Open bar.
Jane
No.
Kevin
All right. So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. Cause even though I think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery... I don't know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I... What the hell are you looking at me like that for?
[thinks for a moment; notices Jane giving him a weird look]
Jane
Are you shitting me right now?
Kevin
What?
Jane
That's my favorite part. Oh, my God. We have something in common.
Kevin
Yes. Well, statistically that was bound to happen.
Value of Appreciation and Vulnerability
Casey
What good is it being appreciated if no one is naked?
The Complexity of Modern Relationships
Casey
He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, "Vodka soda". If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's some flirting, some interoffice sex, an accidental pregnancy, a shotgun wedding, and a life of bliss. How many times do we have to go over this?
Misunderstandings in Gift-Giving and Presentation
Jane
You got them champagne glasses and a bottle of cristal.
George
Any way she's gonna believe it actually came from me?
Jane
Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it.
George
Nice touch.
A Disagreement Over Money Between Friends
Kevin
Jane, give me fifty bucks.
Jane
No!
Kevin
Jane, come on. It's fifty bucks. I'll pay you back.
Jane
No.
Kevin
Jane, I need you... to give me fifty bucks.
[takes her hand lovingly]
Jane
...No?
[hesitant]
Kevin
See? That was good! Jane, can I have your drink?
[laughs; picks up Jane's drink]
Jane
Sure.