31 quotes
Conflict over the location of the shrink ray
Mr. Perkins
Do you know where the shrink ray is?
Vector
Duh! Back at my place.
Mr. Perkins
Oh, is that right? Back at your place? Oh, that's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly LIKE IT!!
[shows Vector the image on his laptop]
Vector
What the...? Those- Those girls sold me cookies!
Mr. Perkins
Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be?! I give you the opportunity of a lifetime and you just blow it!
Vector
No, I didn’t.
Mr. Perkins
Oh, really?
Vector
Now you just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon! Squid launcher! Oh, yeah!
[opens his weapon case; ''fires a squid into the lobby, which lands on man off-screen'']
Man
Aah! There's a squid on my face!
Vector
Don't worry. The Moon is as good as ours!
[''chuckles and reloads his launcher'']
Consequences of Financial Insecurity Explained
Mr. Perkins
Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back… Get the picture?
[Gru is applying for a loan; viciously crushes the apple; Gru gulps nervously]
Vector's Introduction as a Villain
Vector
I'm applying for a new villain loan, go by the name of... Vector! That's ], a quantity represented by an arrow, composed of both direction and magnitude! Vector! That's me! Because I'm committing crimes, with both direction and magnitude! OH YEAH!
[to Gru; no response; [W:Euclidean vector|a mathematical term; no response]
Vector's Invention: The Piranha Gun
Vector
Check out my new weapon! Piranha gun! Oh yes! Fires live piranhas. Have you ever seen one before? No! That's because I invented it.
[to Gru]
Questioning Annoyance in Despicable Me
Agnes
Does this count as annoying?
[pats her face rapidly; '''Gru''': Very!]
Agnes's Delight in a Fluffy Unicorn
Agnes
Aah! Oh my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He is so fluffy, I'm going to die!
Chaos in the Freeze Ray Scene
Gru
What are you doing?! I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no!
[furious; chases the girls out of the room, then backpedals when Edith and Agnes aim the freeze ray at him]
Edith
Freeze ray!
Mr. Perkins
Mr. Gru?
Gru
Okay. As I was saying...
[makes karate sounds, but arrives with a frozen body, with the exception of his head, arms, and buttocks'']
Mr. Perkins
No need to continue, I've seen quite enough.
Gru
But my plan--
Mr. Perkins
Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you.
Young Gru
Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me landing on the moon!
Marlena
Ehh.
[looks at Gru's picture, but turns back]
Young Gru
Look, Mom! I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni!
Marlena
Ehh.
[looks at he macaroni prototype, but regrets]
Young Gru
Look, Mom! I made the real rocket, based on the macaroni prototype!
[excitedly; presses a button and sends the rocket into space]
Marlena
Ooh... Ehh.
[looks at Gru's rocket as it flies off; looks back at Gru]
Gru
I don't understand.
[falls down and breaks the ice encasing him; confused]
Mr. Perkins
Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long, with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... well, a younger villain.
Gru
But... I...
Mr. Perkins
It's over. Goodbye, Gru.
[crushes his apple and the TV turns off]
Gru's Insight on Light Bulbs
Gru
Light bulb...
[repeated line, whenever he has an idea]
Gru's Confident Declaration of Theft
Gru
What did we do? Well, we stole the ] ]! Nice. Ah? That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching ] on that, huh?! But that's not all! We stole the ]! ] from ]. And I won't even mention the ]! ].
[To his Minions; [New York City|Times Square; [w:JumboTron|JumboTron; all cheering; [American football|football; [Statue of Liberty; Minions cheer; [w:New York-New York Hotel and Casino|The small one; [Las Vegas; Minions groan with disappointment; [W:Eiffel Tower|Eiffel Tower; [W:Paris Las Vegas|Also Vegas]
Planning the Ultimate Heist
Gru
Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the true crime of the century! We... are going... to steal... Wait, wait! I have not told you what it is yet! Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Next, we are going to steal... pause for effect… ...THE ]!
[all the minions pull out weapons; Dave the minion fires a missile that scatters another group of minions; Dave looks down and murmurs in embarrassment; one of the singed minions walks over and punches Dave; long pause; opens skylight; [Moon|MOON]
Tucking In with Family Dynamics and Humor
Gru
Okey-dokey, beddy-bye, all tucked in. Sweet dreams.
Margo
Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad.
Gru
Hmm. I think I can live with that.
[pulls the lever up]
Edith
Are these beds made out of bombs?
Gru
Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up... but try not to toss and turn.
Edith
Cool.
Agnes
Will you read us a bedtime story?
Gru
No.
Agnes
But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story.
Gru
Well, then, it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. Oh, and there's probably something in your closet.
[whispers scarily; closes the door]
Margo
He's just kidding, Agnes.
Gru's Frustration with Dr. Nefario
Gru
(to Dr. Nefario) Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so old?
Edith's Unusual Description of Her Creation
Edith
Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy!
[referring to the pancake that Gru baked for her]
Vector's Fashion Statement on Warm-Up Suit
Vector
These aren’t pyjamas. It’s a warm-up suit.
A Dream of Going to the Moon
Young Gru
] landings] Mom, someday I'm going to go to the moon!
[Watching [[Apollo 11]
Marlena
Oh, I'm afraid you're too late, son. ] isn't sending the monkeys anymore.
[[NASA]
Dinner Plans and Gru's Reluctance
Margo
Hey, can we order pizza?
Gru
Pizza? You just had lunch!
[''picks up Agnes and puts her back'']
Edith
Not now, for dinner.
Gru
Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine, whatever! Just get back in there.
Margo
Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?
Edith, Agnes, Kevin and Jerry
Ooh, stuffed crust!
Gru
I'll stuff you all in the crust!
Agnes
You're funny!
[giggles]
Gru
Just don't come out of that room again! Alright. Sorry about that. Where were we?
[closes the door; to Mr. Perkins]
Mr. Perkins
You were sitting on the toilet.
A Plea for Togetherness and Protection
Agnes
Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us!
Bedtime Routine with Gru and the Girls
Gru
Come on now. It's bed time. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell, Let me smell... You did not! Put on your PJs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it!
[''trying to put the girls in bed''; ''to Agnes''; ''Agnes nods''; ''Agnes opens her mouth; sniffs, but nearly gags''; ''Edith suddenly lands on him'']
Edith
But we're not tired!
Gru
Well, I am tired!
Agnes
Will you read us a bedtime story?
[''holding the book Sleepy Kittens'']
Gru
No.
[''in a deep voice''; ''attempts to leave the room'']
Agnes
Pretty please?
Gru
The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.
Edith
But we can't! We're all hyper!
Margo
And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you... All night long.
Gru
Fine.
[''sighs; giving in'']
Expectations of Adoption and Reality
Edith
When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this would be more like ].
[[Annie (musical)|Annie]
Gru's Ambitious Plan for the Moon
Gru
Sorry to bother you, Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Huh?
[''shows the shrink ray''; ''Jerry manages to get off the couch, but Kevin, who is still sitting on it, is shrunk'']
Mr. Perkins
Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.
Gru
Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon... ...I shrink the moon... ...I grab the moon... I sit on the toilet with... What?!
[''shows a picture''; ''shows another picture''; shows another picture; shows a poorly drawn picture, signed by Edith''; the girls laugh; nervous]
Vector's Frustration with the Tiny Toilet
Vector
Aw, look at you, a little tiny toilet. For a little, tiny baby people toi— AAAAAH! CURSE YOU, TINY TOILET!
[after shrinking his toilet to amuse himself; mumbling in baby-talk; toilet flies off pipe, resulting in it spraying water in his face]
Exploring the Anti-Gravity Serum's Effects
Dr. Nefario
We've been working on this one for a while. It's an Anti-Gravity Serum.
Dr. Nefario
I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure.
Gru
Do the effects wear off?
Dr. Nefario
Err, so far, no. No, they don't.
Dr. Nefario
And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.
[fires cloud of foul-smelling gas at minion, making a flatulent noise and knocking the minion out]
Gru
No, no, no. I said dart gun, not... Okay.
[wafts stench away from face]
Dr. Nefario
Oh, yes. Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this.
A Mother’s Skepticism Toward Ambitious Plans
Gru
Hello, Mom. Sorry. I meant to call, but…?
[takes phone call]
Marlena
I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who was actually successful?
[''Gru sighs in disgust''; ''laughs'']
Gru
Just so you know, mom, I'm about to do something that's very very big, very important! When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud!
Marlena
Ha! Good luck with that! Okay, I'm outta here! Ha!
[ends the call and kicks a punching bag in her dojo, knocking another man across the room]
Encouragement Amidst Disappointment
Dr. Nefario
Gru!
[appears on the TV]
Gru
Ah, Dr. Nefario.
Dr. Nefario
I know how you must be feeling. I too have encountered great disappointment, but in my eyes, you'll always be one of the greats.
Gru
What? What happened?
Dr. Nefario
It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a ]! He said it makes all other villains look... lame.
[[w:pyramids of giza|pyramid]
Gru
Assemble the Minions!
[''responds angrily'']
Desire to Visit Super Silly Fun Land
Agnes
Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go, please?
[sees Super Silly Fun Land]
Gru
No.
Canine Mischief Causes Neighborly Tension
Fred
Good morning, Gru! How you doing?
Gru
Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard and I don't appreciate it.
Fred
Sorry. You know dogs, they go wherever they wanna go.
[chuckles]
Gru
Unless they're dead. I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one.
[laughs]
Fred
Oh, okay. Um, uh… yeah!
[confused]