Django Unchained Quotes

Stephen DJANGO! You uppity son of a--

Marshal Gill Tatum You in the saloon! You got a hundred rifles aimed at every way outta that buildin'! You got one chance to get out of this alive! You and your nigger come out right now with your hands over your head and I mean right now!

Dr. King Schultz Is this the marshal I have the pleasure of addressing?

Marshal Yes it is. This is U.S. Marshal Gill Tatum.

Schultz Na wunderbar, Marshal! I have relieved myself of all weapons, and just as you have instructed I am ready to step outside with my hands raised above my head! I trust, as a representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America, I shan't be shot down in the street by either you or your deputies before I've had my day in court!

Marshal You mean like you did our Sheriff? Shot em down like a dog in the street!

Schultz Yes that's exactly what I mean! Do I have your word as a lawman not to shoot me down like a dog in the street?

Marshal Well... much as we'd all enjoy seein something like that, ain't nobody gonna cheat the hangman in my town.

Schultz Fair enough, Marshal. Here we come! They're a little tense out there, so don't make any quick movements and let me do the talking.

Marshal Come ahead. You unarmed?

Schultz Yes, indeed we are. Marshal Tatum, may I address you and your deputies, and apparently the entire town of Daughtrey, as to the incident that just transpired?

Marshal Go on.

Schultz My name is Dr. King Schultz. Like yourself, Marshal, I'm a servant of the court. The man lying dead in the dirt, who the good people of Daughtrey saw fit to elect as their sheriff, who went by the name of Bill Sharp, is actually a wanted outlaw by the name of Willard Peck, with a price on his head of two hundred dollars. Now that's two hundred dollars, dead or alive.

Marshal The hell you say!

Schultz Well I'm aware this is probably disconcerting news, but I'm willing to wager this man was elected Sheriff sometime in the past two years?

Marshal Yeah.

Django I'll be damned.

Taglines This Christmas, Django is off the chain.

Calvin J. Candie This is Ben. He's an old joe that lived around here for a long time, and I do mean a long damn time. Old Ben here took care of my daddy and my daddy's daddy. Till he up and keeled over one day, old Ben took care of me. Growin up the son of a huge plantation owner in Mississippi puts a white man in contact with a whole lotta black faces. I spent my whole life here, right here in Candyland, surrounded by black faces. Now seein em every day, day in and day out, I only had one question: why don't they kill us? Now right out there on that porch, three times a week for fifty years, old Ben here would shave my daddy with a straight razor. Now, if I was old Ben, I woulda cut my daddy's goddamn throat, an it wouldn't-a taken me no fifty years of doin neither. But he never did. Why not? See, the science of ] is crucial to understandin the separation of our two species. And the skull of the African here? The area associated with submissiveness is larger than any human or any other sub-human species on planet Earth. If you examine this piece of skull here you'll notice three distinct dimples. Here, here and here. Now, if I was holdin the skull of an ] or a ], these three dimples would be found in the area of the skull most associated with creativity. But this is the skull of old Ben. And in the skull of old Ben, unburdened by genius, these three dimples exist in the area of the skull most associated with servility. Now bright boy, I will admit you are pretty clever. But if I took this hammer here, and I bashed in your skull with it, you would have the same three dimples in the same place as old Ben.

Django You want me to play a black slaver? Ain't nothin lower than the black slaver. A black slaver is lower than the head house nigger, and buddy, that's pretty fuckin low.

Calvin J. Candie Gentlemen, you had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.

Old Man Carrucan Django... Django... Django... You got sand, Django. Boy's got sand! I got no use for a nigger with sand. I want you to burn a runaway "R" right his cheek, and the girl, too. I want you to take them to the Greenville auction and sell em. Both of em… separately. And this one… you will sell him cheap.

Django Freeman How you know Brunhilde's first master's was German?

Dr. King Schultz Brunhilde is a German name. If they named her it stands to reason they'd be German.

Django Lots of gals where you from named Brunhilde?

Schultz Brunhilde is the name of a character in the most popular of all the German legends.

Django There's a story bout Brunhilde?

Schultz Yes there is.

Django Do you know it?

Schultz Oh, every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Well, ] was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, god of all gods. Anyway her father is really mad at her.

Django What'd she do?

Schultz I can't exactly remember. She disobeys him in some way. So he puts her on top of a mountain.

Django Brunhilde's on a mountain?

Schultz It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. And he puts a fire-breathing dragon there to guard the mountain, and he surrounds her in a circle of hellfire. And there Brunhilde shall remain unless a hero arises brave enough to save her.

Django Does a fella arise?

Schultz Yes Django, as a matter of fact he does. A fella named Sigfried.

Django Does Sigfried save her?

Schultz Quite spectacularly so. He scales the mountain because he's not afraid of it. He slays the dragon because he's not afraid of him. And he walks through hellfire because Brunhilde's worth it.

Django I know how he feels.

Schultz I think I'm just starting to realize that. Look, Django, I don't doubt that one day you'll save your lady love, but I can't let you go into Greenville in a good conscience. A slave auction town in Mississippi isn't the place for you to visit, free or not it's just too dangerous. But let me ask you a question: how do you like the bounty hunting business?

Django Kill white folks and they pay you for it? What's not to like?

Schultz I have to admit we make a good team.

Django I thought you was mad at me for killin Big John and Little Raj.

Schultz Yeah, on that occasion you were a tad overzealous, but normally that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter?

Django Whatcha mean partner up?

Schultz You work with me through the winter till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties so we make some money this winter and when the snow melts I'll take you to Greenville myself and we'll find where they sent your wife.

Django Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife?

Schultz Frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before, and now that I have I feel vaguely responsible for you. Plus when a German meets a real-life Sigfried that's kind of a big deal. As a German I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Brunhilde.

Dr. King Schultz Who were they?

Django He's the one hightailin it across that field right now.

Schultz You sure that's him?

Django Yeah.

Schultz Positive?

Django I dunno.

Schultz You don't know if you're positive?

Django I dunno what positive means.

Schultz It means you're sure.

Django Yes.

Schultz Yes what?

Django Yes I'm sure that's Ellis Brittle. I'm positive he dead.

Taglines Once upon a time in the south.

Ace Speck Move it!

Dr King Schultz My good man, did you simply get carried away with your dramatic gesture, or are you pointing that weapon at me with lethal intention?

Ace Speck (cocks rifle) Last chance, fancy pants.

Dr Schultz Oh very well. (drops his latern and draws his revolver, shooting Ace and Dicky's horse in the head, the latter falling under the rider and crushing his leg)

Dr Schultz I'm sorry to put a bullet in your beast, but I didn't want you to do anything rash before you had a moment to come to your senses.

Dicky Speck You goddamn son of a bitch! You shot Roscoe! And you killed Ace!

Dr Schultz I only shot your brother once he threatened to shoot me, and I believe I have (counts slaves) one, two, three, four, five, six, seven witness who can attest to that fact.

Dicky Speck My leg's busted!

Dr Schultz (drily) No doubt.

Calvin J. Candie HEYYY! Now lay your palm FLAT on that tabletop! If you LIFT THOSE PALMS, OFF THAT TURTLE-SHELL TABLETOP, Mr. Pooch is gonna let loose with both barrels of that sawed-off! There have been A LOT OF LIES, said around this dinner table here tonight, but THAT you can believe!

Dr. King Schultz Mr. Bennett, I must remind you Django is a free man. You cannot treat him like a slave. Now, within the bounds of good taste, he must be treated as an extension of myself.

Spencer Big Daddy Bennett Understood, Schultz. Betina, sugar?

Betina Yes sir?

Big Daddy Django isn't a slave. Django is a free man. You can't treat him like any of the other niggers around here cause he ain't like any of the other niggers around here. You got it?

Betina You want I should treat him like white folks?

Big Daddy No. That's not what I said.

Betina Then I don't know what you want, Big Daddy.

Big Daddy Yes, I can see that. Ah, what's the name of that peckerwood boy from town that works with the glass? His momma worked over at the lumber yard.

House Servant Oh, you mean Jerry.

Big Daddy That's the boy's name. Jerry! Betina, you know Jerry. Don't you, sugar?

Betina Yes sir, Big Daddy.

Big Daddy Well, that's it then! Just treat him like you would Jerry.

Stephen Your black ass been all them motherfuckers at the big house could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain't never had a bright idea in they life is comin up with all kinds of ways to kill your ass. Now mind you, most of them ideas had to do with fuckin with your fun parts. Now that may seem like a good idea, but truth is when you snip a nigga's nuts most of em bleed out in oh, about seven minutes. Most of em. Well, more than most. Then I says, "Shitfire, the niggers we sells to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" And they still saying, "Let's whip him to death!" or "Throw him to the mandingos! Feed him to Stonesipher's dogs!" I said "What's so special about that? We do that shit all the time. Hell's bells, the niggers we sells to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" Lo and behold! Out of nowhere, Miss Lara come up with the bright idea of givin your ass to the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company. And as a slave of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth till the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swingin a sledgehammer, turnin big rocks into little rocks. Now when you get there, they gonna take away your name, gi'ya a number and a sledgehammer and say, "Get to work!" One word of sass, they cuts out your tongue. They good at it too. You won't bleed out. Oh, they does that real good! They gonna work yout, all day, every day, till your back give out. Then they gonna hitcha in the head with a hammer, and throw your ass down the nigga hole, and that will be the story of you, Django!

Calvin Candie White cake?

Dr. King Schultz I don't go in for sweets, thank you.

Candie You brooding bout me getting the best of ya, huh?

Schultz Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D'Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.

Candie Come again?

Schultz ]. He wrote ].

Candie Yes of course, doctor.

Schultz I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel's lead character. If Alexander Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?

Candie You doubt he'd approve, huh?

Schultz Yes. His approval would be a dubious proposition at best.

Candie Soft-hearted Frenchy.

Schultz Alexander Dumas is black.

Spencer Big Daddy Bennett Now, unless they start shootin first, nobody shoot em. That's way too simple for these jokers. We're gonna whup that nigger lover to death. And I'm gonna personally strip and clip that garboon myself! Damn. I can't see fuckin shit out of this thing!

Bradshaw Are we ready or what?

Big Daddy Ah hold on, I'm fuckin with my eye holes! Oh shit. I just made it worse!

Tennessee Redfish Who made this goddamn shit?!

O.B. Willard's wife.

Willard Well make your own goddamn mask!

Big Daddy Look! Nobody's sayin they don't appreciate what Jenny did.

Redfish Well if all I had to do was cut a hole in a bag, I coulda cut it better than this!

O.B. What about you, Robert? Can you see?

Robert Not too good. I mean, if I don't move my head I can see you pretty good. More or less. But when I start ridin', the bag's movin all over and I'm ridin blind.

Randy Shit. I just made mine worse. Anybody bring any extra bags?

Terry No! Nobody brought an extra bag!

Randy I'm just askin'!

Doug Do we have to wear em when we ride?

Big Daddy Oh well shitfire! If you don't wear em as you ride up that just defeats the purpose!

Redfish Well I can't see in this fucking thing! I can't breathe in this fucking thing and I can't ride in this fucking thing!

Willard Well fuck all, y'all! I'm goin home! Ya know, I watched my wife work all day gettin thirty bags together for you ungrateful sons of bitches, and all I can hear is criticize, criticize, criticize! From now on, don't ask me or mine for nothin'!

Big Daddy Now look, let's not forget why we're here. We gotta kill a nigger over that hill there, and we gotta make a lesson outta em.

Randy Okay I'm confused. Are the bags on or off?

Robert I think, we all think, the bags was a nice idea. But not pointin any fingers, they coulda been done better. So how about no bags this time, but next time, we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia.

Big Daddy Wait a minute! I didn't say no bags.

Randy But nobody can see.

Big Daddy So?

Randy So it'd be nice to see.

Big Daddy Goddammit! This is a raid! I can't see! You can't see! So what? All that matters is can the fuckin horse see! That's a raid!

Taglines Life, liberty and the pursuit of vengeance.

Taglines The D is silent. Payback won't be.

Billy Crash So y'all bounty hunters, huh? I knew there was somethin fishy bout y'all. We found your wanted posters and book of figures in your saddle bags. I gotta say, I ain't never hearda no black bounty hunter before. Black boy paid to kill white men, how'd ya like that kinda work? Probably pretty good while it lasted, huh? Time to say goodbye to them nuts, blackie. On three. One. I gotcha. Two. Calm down now, here it comes.

Stephen Captain? Miss Lara wanna see you. Somethin to do with the old man's funeral. Oh, and she changed her mind bout snippin Django. She gonna give em to the LeQuint Dickey people.

Billy Crash Well she didn't waste a minute tellin me. How disappointing.

Amerigo Vessepi What's your name?

Django Django.

Vessepi Can you spell it?

Django D-J-A-N-G-O... the D is silent.

Vessepi ].

Hoot The name of the game is "keep up", not "catch up", nigger.

Django Touch your guns, you die.

Calvin Candie Everybody calm down! I saw the whole thing, no harm done.

One of Candie's men Are you kiddin me? This nigger--

Candie I said "no harm done"! Now take your hand off your pistol!

Candie Butch, that means you too.

Candie Everybody stop antagonizing my guest. Hoot! Get back up on your horse.

Hoot He broke my collarbone!

Candie For God sake, somebody please help Hoot here back up on his Goddamn horse.

Billy Crash Oh, you are one lucky nigger.

Django You better listen to your boss, white boy.

Billy Crash Oh, I'ma go walkin in the moonlight with you.

Django You wanna hold my hand?

Billy Crash D-Jango, you black son of a bitch!

Django The D is silent, hillbilly.

Cora Do what now?

Django I said, tell Ms. Lara goodbye?

Cora Bye, Ms. Lara!

Django Y’all you two run along now. Stephen, how you like my new duds? You know, before now I didn't know that burgundy was my color.

Stephen I count six shots, nigger.

Django I count two guns, nigger. You said in 76 years on this plantation, you seen all manner-a shit done to niggers. But I notice, you didn't mention kneecappin'.

Stephen Oh God! Motherfucker! Damn it!

Django Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many niggers you see come and go, huh? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninty nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothin but horseshit. But he was right about one thing: I am that one nigger in 10,000.

Dr King Schultz Do you know what they're going to call you? The "Fastest Gun in the South".

Calvin J. Candie Django and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old, decrepit bastard, are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?

Django What kinda dentist are you?

Django No.

Django What's a bounty?

Django You kill people? And they give you a reward?

Django Bad people?

Dr King Schultz Now as to you poor devils. So as I see it, when it comes to the subject of what to do next, you gentlemen have two choices. One, when I'm gone, you lift that horse off the remaining Speck and carry him to the nearest town, which would be at least thirty seven miles back the way you came. Or two, (throws them keys) you unshackle yourselves, take that rifle over there, put a bullet in his head, bury the two of them deep, and make your way to a more enlightened part of the country. The choice is yours. (starts to ride off, stops) Oh, and on the off-chance that there are any astronomy aficionados amongst you, the North Star is that one. Tata.

Django He's your nigger.

Calvin Candie Mr. Stonecipher! Let Marsha and her bitches send D'Artagnan to nigger heaven.

Mr. Stonecipher Marsha! Tear into him! (D'Artagnan screams as the dogs devour him alive.)

Candie Your boss looks a little green around the gills for a blood sport like nigger-fighting.

Django Nah. He just ain't used to seeing a man ripped apart by dogs is all.

Candie You are used to it?

Django I'm just a little more used to Americans than he is.