17 quotes
Parenting Abilities Beyond Gender Stereotypes
Ted Kramer
If I understand it correctly, what means the most here is what's best for our son. What's best for Billy. My wife used to always say to me: Why can't a woman have the same ambitions as a man? I think you're right. And maybe I've learned that much. But by the same token, I'd like to know, what law is it that says that a woman is a better parent simply by virtue of her sex? You know, I've had a lot of time to think about what it is it that makes somebody a good parent? You know, it has to do with constancy, it has to do with patience, it has to do with listening to him. It has to do with pretending to listen to him when you can't even listen anymore. It has to do with love, like, like, like she was saying. And I don't know where it's written that it says that a woman has a corner on that market, that, that a man has any less of those emotions than a woman does.
Custody Battle's Complex Legal Landscape
Ted Kramer
I don't know the legal jargon for it, but I think it's "desertion." I don't mean to tell you your job, but I think I have an open-and-shut case.
John Shaunessy
Well, at first Mr. Kramer, there's no such thing as an open-and- shut case where custody is involved. I'll bet your ex-wife has already found a lawyer who's advised her to move back to establish residency. The burden is on us to prove that your ex-wife is an unfit mother. That means I'll have to play rough. If I play rough, you can bet they will too. Can you take that?
Ted Kramer
Yes.
John Shaunessy
And it's going to cost you $15,000.
Self-Discovery and Maternal Love
Joanna Kramer
All my life I've felt like...somebody's wife or somebody's mother, somebody's daughter. Even all the time we were together I never knew who I was. And that's why I had to go away. And in California, I think I found myself. I got myself a job. I got myself a therapist, a really good one. And I feel better about myself than I ever have in my whole life. I learned a great deal about myself.
Ted Kramer
Such as?... No, really, I'd really like to know what you learned.
Joanna Kramer
Well, I've learned that I love my little boy. And that I'm capable of taking care of him.
Ted Kramer
What do you mean?
Joanna Kramer
I want my son.
Ted Kramer
You can't have him
Joanna Kramer
Don't get defensive. Don't try to bully me.
Ted Kramer
I'm not getting defensive. Who walked out 15 months ago?
Joanna Kramer
I don't care. I'm still his mother.
Ted Kramer
Yeah, from 300 miles away. And because you sent post cards gives you the right to come back?
Joanna Kramer
I never stopped wanting him.
Ted Kramer
What makes you sure he wants you?
Joanna Kramer
What makes you sure he doesn't want me?
Ted Kramer
Okay look. We're gonna sit here and bat this back and forth. It's like old times.
Joanna Kramer
You can't deny me...
Ted Kramer
Don't tell me what I can or cannot do! Don't talk to me that way!
Joanna Kramer
I anticipated this.
Ted Kramer
Okay look, I don't want to hear this. Do what you have to. I'll do what I have to.
Joanna Kramer
Fine... I am very sorry about this.
Ted Kramer
Okay, just do what you have to do.
A Mother's Love for Her Son
Joanna Kramer
I love you, Billy.
Billy Kramer
I love you too, Mommy.
Father and son dinner disagreement
Ted Kramer
All right, come on, put that down and eat your dinner, it's getting cold.
Billy Kramer
What is this crap?
Ted Kramer
It's Salisbury steak.
Billy Kramer
I hate it.
Ted Kramer
You do not hate it. You had it last week and you loved it.
Billy Kramer
No, I didn't.
Ted Kramer
Um-hmm!
Billy Kramer
I hate the brown stuff. It's gross.
Ted Kramer
All that is is onions and gravy.
Billy Kramer
I'm allergic to onions.
Ted Kramer
You are not allergic to onions. You had this last week, and remember, I told you it was my favorite when I was a little boy, and you said It's my favorite, too.
Billy Kramer
I did not.
Ted Kramer
Yes, you did. Here. It's regular hamburger. Just give it a little bite. It's delicious!
Ted Kramer
So what's the matter?
Billy Kramer
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Ted Kramer
No, you're not, now you're gonna eat your...
Billy Kramer
It's eee-yucky!
Ted Kramer
It is not yucky', Billy. Eat it!
Billy Kramer
Do you remember to bring the chocolate chip ice cream home?
Ted Kramer
Yes, I did remember to bring the chocolate chip ice cream home, and you can't have any of it until you eat all your dinner, and then eat your meat and your corn... Where are you going? Get back here right now, did you hear me? You'd better not do that. You'd better stop right there, fella, I'm warning you. Hey! Did you hear me? Now you listen to me! Don't be smart now. You go right back and put that back until you finish your dinner so eat it... Okay, I'm warning you, you take one bite out of that and you're in big trouble. Don't... Hey! Don't you dare... Don't you dare do that. You hear me? Hey! Stop! Hold it right there! You put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, very big trouble! Don't you dare go anywhere beyond that... Put it down right now, I'm not going to say it again. I'm not going to say it again! I am not...
[angrily, making fun of Billy's question; changes tone of voice; while Billy bring ice cream to the table; Billy eat ice cream and Ted loses his temper, gets up from the chair to snatch Billy up and cart him toward his bedroom as punishment]
Billy Kramer
Ow! You're hurting me!
[shrieking; kicks Ted]
Ted Kramer
That's it! OW! Don't you kick me!
[raging madly]
Billy Kramer
I hate you!
Ted Kramer
Well, you're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now...
[furious; unceremoniously dumps him on the bed]
Billy Kramer
I HATE YOU!!!
[yelling furiously]
Ted Kramer
AND I HATE YOU BACK, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!
[still furious, ignoring Billy's rant; storms out of the room]
Billy Kramer
I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!
[crying]
Ted Kramer
I'm all you got!
[coldly and bitterly; furiously slams the door]
Billy Kramer
I want my mommy!
[does a tantrum]
Introduction of New Characters in Conversation
Billy Kramer and Phyllis Bernard
Hi.
[simultaneously]
Billy Kramer
What's your name?
Phyllis Bernard
I'm Phyllis Bernard.
Billy Kramer
Who?
Phyllis Bernard
I'm a friend... uh, business associate of your father's... dad.
Ted Kramer
Oh, Jesus.
[In the bedroom]
Billy Kramer
Do you like fried chicken?
Phyllis Bernard
Fried chicken? Very much.
Billy Kramer
So do I.
Phyllis Bernard
Umm... well, it's really... It's been nice seeing you and...
Billy Kramer
Bye.
Phyllis Bernard
Bye.
Phyllis Bernard
Kramer, I just met your son.
Bitter Success Amidst Personal Turmoil
Ted Kramer
For the last six months I've been spitting blood to get this agency one of the biggest account it's ever had. And at five o'clock this afternoon, we got the account. At eight o'clock, I am walking home with the vice president and tells me I'll be the next creative director of this department. I come through this door to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me and tells me she doesn't want to live with me anymore! Can't you understand what she's done to me?
The Importance of a Stable Home
Ted Kramer
Billy has a home with me. I've made it the best I could. It's not perfect. I'm not a perfect parent. Sometimes I don't have enough patience because I forget that he's a little kid. But I'm there. We get up in the morning and then we eat breakfast, and he talks to me and then we go to school. And at night, we have dinner together and we talk then and I read to him. And, and we built a life together and we love each other. If you destroy that, it may be irreparable. Joanna, don't do that, please. Don't do it twice to him.
Uncertainty of Mother's Return
Billy Kramer
When's mommy coming back?
Ted Kramer
I don't know, Billy, soon.
Billy Kramer
How soon?
Ted Kramer
Soon.
Billy Kramer
Will she pick me up after school?
Ted Kramer
Probably. And if she doesn't I will.
Billy Kramer
What if you forget?
Ted Kramer
I won't forget.
Billy Kramer
What if you get run over by a truck and get killed?
Ted Kramer
Then Mommy will pick you up.
Conflict Amidst Personal Achievement
Ted Kramer
For the last six months I've been spitting blood to get this agency one of the biggest account it's ever had. And at five o'clock this afternoon, we got the account. At eight o'clock, I am walking home with the vice president and tells me I'll be the next creative director of this department. I come through this door to share with my wife one of the five best days of my life, and she looks at me and tells me she doesn't want to live with me anymore!. Can't you understand what she's done to me?
Margaret Phelps
Yeah, She loused up one of the five best days of your life.
Ted Kramer
You're terrific. Boy, you're.... thanks very much, really. Sisterhood.
Difficult Decisions in Professional Settings
Ted Kramer
You're firing me?
Jim O'Connor
Yeah, I'm letting you go, yes.
Ted Kramer
Why?
Jim O'Connor
Now, look, Ted, this is a very painful thing for me. You don't know how badly I feel,. I've been getting a lot of pressure from the guys upstairs, and there wasn't anything else I could do. I thought a lot about this and it's really better this way. If I took your stripes... if I put you on a schlock account, you'd hate it, and me for doing it. This way it's a clean break. And believe me, that's the best thing.
Ted Kramer
You know my wife is fighting me for custody?. You know that we're going to court?. Do you know what my chances are if I'm out of a job?.
Jim O'Connor
Look, I understand that you're upset...
Ted Kramer
I don't want to beg, but I'm asking you, please, as a friend. Ah?... I'm asking you.
Jim O'Connor
You're an extremely bright guy. You've got a hell of a talent. You're gonna land on your feet. You're gonna survive...Teddy, look. I know you may be short on cash. No big hurry about paying this back.
Ted Kramer
Shame on you.
A Mother's Love and Acceptance
Joanna Kramer
I woke up this morning, kept thinking about Billy and I-I was thinking about him waking up in his room with his little clouds all around that I painted. And I thought I should have painted clouds downtown, because then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realized he already is home. Oh, I love him very much. I'm not gonna take him with me. Can I go up and talk to him?...
[Joanna and Ted hug]
Ted Kramer
Listen why don't you go upstairs and see him and I'll wait here.
Joanna Kramer
How do I look?
[wipes the tears from her eyes and pats her hair]
Ted Kramer
You look terrific.
Understanding Regret and Unchangeable Choices
Ted Kramer
There's a lot of things I didn't understand, a lot of things I'd do different if I could. Just like I think there's a lot of things you wish you could change, but we can't. Some things once they're done can't be undone. My wife, my ex-wife, says that she loves Billy, and I believe she does, but I don't think that's the issue here.
[in court]
A Conversation Between Father and Son
Billy Kramer
Daddy?
Ted Kramer
Yeah?
Billy Kramer
I'm sorry.
Ted Kramer
I'm sorry too. I want you to go to sleep because it's really late.
Billy Kramer
Daddy?
Ted Kramer
Now what is it?
Billy Kramer
Are you going away?
Ted Kramer
No. I'm staying here with you. You can't get rid of me that easy.
Billy Kramer
That's why Mommy left, isn't it? Because I was bad?
Ted Kramer
Is that what you think? No. That's not it, Billy. Your mom loves you very much... and the reason she left has nothing to do with you. I don't know if this will make sense, but I'll try to explain it to you. I think the reason why Mommy left... was because for a long time... I kept trying to make her be a certain kind of person. A certain kind of wife that I thought she was supposed to be. And she just wasn't like that. She was... She just wasn't like that. I think that she tried for so long to make me happy... and when she couldn't, she tried to talk to me about it. But I wasn't listening. I was too busy, too wrapped up... just thinking about myself. And I thought that anytime I was happy, she was happy. But I think underneath she was very sad. Mommy stayed here longer than she wanted because she loves you so much. And the reason why Mommy couldn't stay anymore... was because she couldn't stand me. She didn't leave because of you. She left because of me. Go to sleep now because it's really late, okay? Good night. Sleep tight.
Billy Kramer
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
Ted Kramer
See you in the morning light.
Billy Kramer
Daddy?
Ted Kramer
Yeah?
Billy Kramer
I love you.
Ted Kramer
I love you too.
A Father's Reflection on His Son's Innocence
Ted Kramer
So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here... ... and he says "Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight", he looks up at me and he says "And it's all gone to your nose." He was so cute. You know?
[having lunch with his boss; touches his stomach; laughs]
Casual Conversation Between Father and Son
Ted Kramer
How was school today?
Billy Kramer
Same as usual.
Ted Kramer
Hey, I see the Knicks finally won a game, what do you know?
Billy Kramer
I don't care.
Ted Kramer
What do you mean?
Billy Kramer
I like Boston.
Ted Kramer
Boston? Why do you like Boston?
Billy Kramer
Because Mommy's from Boston.
Ted Kramer
Okay, sit up and try to eat. Come on.
Billy Kramer
Can I be excused? I wanna go to bed.
Ted Kramer
Too much birthday cake?
Billy Kramer
Yeah, I guess.
Ted Kramer
I'm sorry. Excuse me. Louise, give me a hand.
Louise
You're 15 minutes late. Mr. O'Connor is very upset.
Ted Kramer
This all of it?
Louise
Yes. Do you want your mail now?
Ted Kramer
No, just give me the messages. Remind me to get a Crying Chrissie doll at lunch.
Louise
Okay, okay.
Ted Kramer
Sorry I'm late.
Louise
And there's a PTA meeting at the school on Tuesday at 4.
Ted Kramer
Right, thanks. Put the chicken in the refrigerator.
Margaret Kramer
Know who Charley's seeing now?
Ted Kramer
Who?
Margaret Kramer
A divorced woman with two little girls the same age as Kim and Petey.
Ted Kramer
Are you kidding? Are you kidding?
Margaret Kramer
Nope.
Ted Kramer
How do you know?
Margaret Kramer
I know.
Ted Kramer
How long has it been since you and Charlie broke up?
Margaret Kramer
A year and a half.
Ted Kramer
That long? I did I ever tell you how sorry, how really sad Joanna and I were, when you guys split?
Margaret Kramer
Look at that cute little boy over there.
[laughs]
Ted Kramer
You think you'll ever get married again?
Margaret Kramer
Uh-uh.
Ted Kramer
I mean, to anybody.
Margaret Kramer
Uh-uh!
Ted Kramer
Why?
Margaret Kramer
I don't know, maybe it's different if you don't have children, but... even if Charley and I aren't living together, and even if we're sleeping with other people, and... even if Charley were to get married again... I don't know, he's still... my husband and he's still the father of my children and... That stuff about "till death do you part," that's really true.
[sighs]
Ted Kramer
Well, let me ask you this. Let's say Charley finishes his midlife crisis, and he's had it with his flings, and comes asking for forgiveness. What would you do?
Margaret Kramer
I think...that if he really loved me...he wouldn't have let me divorce him.
[long pause]
Ted Kramer
You still think about him, don't you?
Margaret Kramer
Only all the time. Think about Joanna?
[pause]
Ted Kramer
Never.
Margaret Kramer
You liar!
[laughs]
Ted Kramer
Some pair, boy...
Understanding Courage in Difficult Choices
Ted Kramer
Margaret, I just need to know something. Did you set my wife up to this?
Margaret Phelps
No, I did not put Joanna up to this.
Ted Kramer
Give her a little pep talk, maybe?
Margaret Phelps
Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage for her to walk out of here.
Ted Kramer
Really. How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?