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About
Newlywed couple Ted and Tami-Lynn want to have a baby, but in order to qualify to be a parent, Ted will have to prove he's a person in a court of law.
Theatrical
Jun 26, 2015
Digital
Dec 1, 2015
Box Office
$215.9M
Budget
$68.0M
Return
3.2x
DVD / Blu-ray
Dec 15, 2015
Director
Seth MacFarlane
Producers
Jason Clark, John Jacobs, Scott Stuber
Music
Walter Murphy
Studio
Smart Entertainment, Universal Pictures, Fuzzy Door Productions, Bluegrass Films, MRC
Latest
See all
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Quotes
See all →Unexpected Reaction to Superman's New Portrayal
Film Executive
The new Superman is... ]!
[[w:Jonah Hill|Jonah Hill]
John
FUCK!
Unexpected Karaoke in a Public Space
Donny
You know... I really love that Neil Diamond. Especially that song they play at the, uh, the (Boston) Red Sox games. It's just so infectious. You just can't help but sing along. ♪ Hands, touching hands, reaching out. Touching me, touching you. Sweet Caroline. ♪
[starts singing]
Ted
♪ Bah bah bah! ♪ FUCK! Crazy son-of-a-bitch!
[suddenly sings out due to temptation; Donny jumps to grab Ted and starts punching him]
Vendor
Hey! What are you doin to that bear?
Donny
I'm sorry, I, uh--
Vendor
You better be planning on buying that.
Donny
He just reminds me of when I was a kid.
Vendor
Yeah, that's great. $40.
Donny
Okay. $40, here.
[Donny grabs cash; Vendor takes cash]
The Burden of Expectations and Identity
Patrick Meighan
Ted, you're special. You could have been an inspiration to the world. You could have been a leader, a role model. Instead, you're... ].
[[Justin Bieber]
Ted
Fuck you!
Samantha
Ted!
Ted
Sorry. Sorry.
Patrick Meighan
There's just no indication that you've had any positive effect on the world around you.
John
That's not true. He's had a positive effect on me.
Patrick Meighan
Would that positive effect include your joint arrest in 2003 for possessing marijuana?
John
Well, how the fuck do you prepare for a ] concert?
[[Foo Fighters]
Dating Perspectives and Unexpected Discoveries
John
You're really smart, you know that? How come you don't have a guy?
Samantha
Dude, have you seen the guys in Boston? I'm supposed to date some pale blotchy guy with a wife-beater under his Bruins jacket and a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope.
John
Yeah. Stupid.
[chuckles]
Ted
I couldn't find any soda cans, but I gotta tell you, there's some awesome shit in that barn.
John
Whoa, be careful with that.
Ted
No, it's okay. It's not loaded-
Ted
And my fuckin nose came off.
[offscreen]
Ted is a 2012 American comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane. The screenplay by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild is from MacFarlane's story. The film stars MacFarlane, Mark Wahlberg, Mila...
Ted Collection
Cast
Full credits →M
Mark Wahlberg
John
S
Seth MacFarlane
Ted (voice)
A
Amanda Seyfried
Samantha
J
Jessica Barth
Tami-Lynn
G
Giovanni Ribisi
Donny
M
Morgan Freeman
Patrick Meighan
S
Sam J. Jones
Sam J. Jones
P
Patrick Warburton
Guy
M
Michael Dorn
Rick
B
Bill Smitrovich
Frank
J
John Slattery
Shep Wild
C
Cocoa Brown
Joy
John Carroll Lynch
Tom Jessup
R
Ron Canada
Judge
Liam Neeson
Customer
D
Dennis Haysbert
Fertility Doctor
P
Patrick Stewart
Narrator (voice)
T
Tom Brady
Tom Brady
J
Jay Leno
Jay Leno
J
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel
